000030 - lost & found
i want to belong somewhere; belong with someone but i want to be unique as well; be independent and standout amongst the crowd.
i feel that the word forever has lost some meaning. you can sneer at me all you want with sayings like, "nothing last forever" etc. but i'd like to remain naive and believe that some things can and do remain forever.
experiencing lost, not just physically as in illness and death (although that is tragedy itself), but emotionally watching and feeling someone you thought you felt so close to slowly distance away from you is one of the most suffering emotion. whether if it's a really good friend or someone you thought you truly loved, the feeling of not being able to mend that growing space between you and that person no matter if you put in even 200% in effort is the most vile and empty emotion i've ever experienced. there's a saying that "memories are designed to fade." i'd like to at least hold onto the good memories no matter how much the bad ones felt at the time. because i'd like to feel that it all meant something somehow in the end; that i at least appreciated whatever moment we once had...
i can't say i'm always that strong either. putting in 200% of yourself in any task takes a lot out of you. i feel so much like giving in at times because that would be the easy way to solve any problem or challenge. to just runaway.
but of course i'd rather let these experiences teach me and make me a better and stronger person. the best thing to do when you fall down is to pick yourself up. dust yourself off and don't look back. look forward instead and have new dreams and new hopes. because i'd rather look at the world not as an old cynical man but a young and naive boy who can't wait to search for all sorts of different things; waiting to be found.
hope everyone has a healthy and prosperous new year in 2004!!
i feel that the word forever has lost some meaning. you can sneer at me all you want with sayings like, "nothing last forever" etc. but i'd like to remain naive and believe that some things can and do remain forever.
experiencing lost, not just physically as in illness and death (although that is tragedy itself), but emotionally watching and feeling someone you thought you felt so close to slowly distance away from you is one of the most suffering emotion. whether if it's a really good friend or someone you thought you truly loved, the feeling of not being able to mend that growing space between you and that person no matter if you put in even 200% in effort is the most vile and empty emotion i've ever experienced. there's a saying that "memories are designed to fade." i'd like to at least hold onto the good memories no matter how much the bad ones felt at the time. because i'd like to feel that it all meant something somehow in the end; that i at least appreciated whatever moment we once had...
i can't say i'm always that strong either. putting in 200% of yourself in any task takes a lot out of you. i feel so much like giving in at times because that would be the easy way to solve any problem or challenge. to just runaway.
but of course i'd rather let these experiences teach me and make me a better and stronger person. the best thing to do when you fall down is to pick yourself up. dust yourself off and don't look back. look forward instead and have new dreams and new hopes. because i'd rather look at the world not as an old cynical man but a young and naive boy who can't wait to search for all sorts of different things; waiting to be found.
hope everyone has a healthy and prosperous new year in 2004!!
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