000024 - happy uncertainty

to say that my life has been a whirlwind in the past 2 weeks or so since my last entry would be an understatement

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flew out to brisbane on friday morning the 12.09 to attend a local comic book & entertainment convention, called supanova there. these conventions are usually held in sydney, so this is the first time the organiser has made a call to change the location & state. i personally haven't been to bris-vegas since the 1988 expo, not that i have any memory of that whatsoever either.

why is the place called bris-vegas you might ask? well, let me tell you as i found out the meaning of this nickname when i stepped out into the airport terminal. we are at the end of winter in australia, and melbourne being melbourne is usually 4 seasons in a day but it's still feels like winter when it's winter. brisbane however, feels like las vegas on a nice cool breezy day in winter i've found. it was really humid and if you walked more than 5 minutes anywhere, you're bound to find moist patched in places where you'd find these when you exercise (mind out of the gutter people).

the only advantage i noticed with this kind of weather is that the women certainly dressed much less compared back to melb. i was getting whiplash walking around the streets without a car or an accident involved.

another reason why the nickname bris-vegas fits is that the metro city area has an abundance of pokies (gambling poker machines). together with the heat, i could imagine the residence can get a bit comfortable getting a nice cool brewerage (beer) and just sit there pressing a button hoping all the dreams would come true with the melodic sound of falling coins.

anyway, the overall convention itself was a great success. i think a number of factors including that i haven't sold many of my comics up here, that the crowd were more willing to spend their hard earned money and that they were a bit friendlier compared to the sydney crowd helped boost my sales. this is also my 5 time behind the booth selling my comics at one of these location conventions, so i think i've learnt how to promote my work more confidently verbally and able to smoothly go through a weekend drawing free sketches for customers without burning myself out by the end of it.

there were plenty of after parties and catching up at the end of each day and it was great meeting new people and shooting the shit with familiar faces. highlights include great laughs over dinner at sizzlers with darren and mark, experiencing a sauna fully clothed, meeting the craziest (but in a cool way) asian chick i've ever met yet, going out to fortitude valley with everyone for a bit of a boogie, having pancakes for a late breakfast at this 24 hour pancake place and just basically meeting and chatting with a great bunch of people.

if nothing else, this convention trip has really re-invigorated my own self-confidence in producing my comic books. i had a lot of positive feedback from the some of the nice people that brought my work already and their comments & feedback has made all the work i've done so far all that much worthwhile.

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the past week i've been on a bit of a high because of a very special person that has become a very important part of my life at the moment.

i've actually known sxxxxxxx for a while. we've chatted online a few times and i was usually there for her when she was going through some tough times in the past...

the fact that she lives at least 8 hours and 40 minutes away (via a boeing no less) from where i am at moment has certainly not made it easy on either of us. it's kind of strange finding myself thinking about someone every once in awhile during the day yet she's thousands of miles away. i guess i can make it sound a bit poetic and say that while our physical bodies are separated by lands and oceans, both our hearts at the moment are entwined and connected so that even such great distances cannot separate us. at least that what i hope.

once again, i'm nervous about the uncertainly that lies ahead. yet i'm excited about the possibilities that awaits.

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000023 - change

as much as one dream about making a difference, when you realise how difficult it is to change the world, the next thing you should do is think about changing yourself

i made the decision and finally submitted my resignation to work this week. i've work for this company for the past 5 and half years or so and it's the first company i ever worked for from my "sandwich" (work experience) year in uni up until now. the decision to leave has been tough but i think i really need to change; not just the work environment but my actual career!

change is always something difficult to accept but nothing ever stay the same, so rather than be scared of the unknown, i'd rather face it and find some excitement in going the road less taken by. i want my dreams to become reality and in order for that to happen i must make choices and change what i'm able to as close proximity to my dreams as possible.

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000022 - i was a sardine

you know how people have stories about bad airline and flying experiences? well, today do i have some bad train riding stories for you!

got up early this morning so i could make the 7:52 train instead which means i could get to the office right around 8:30. but the train doesn't get to the station until 7:58! that's ok, still not too late. however late train means more people have been waiting at each station which means everytime we stopped more people had to get on. you should have seen the train carriage, it was packed tighter than a sardine can!! it got so full that people just couldn't get on at later stations. in situations like these i'm glad i'm not claustrophobic or that invasion of my personal space isn't one of my pet peeves. because there were certainly a lot of claustrobing and space invading-- and not in a good way, mind!

anyway, train dropped me off at richmond station around 8:40! waited another 10mins and got the train to work finally. times like these, i wish i wasn't upholding my reputation for coming into work late as if i was doing it on purpose. i make every effort to be at work on time but it just seems that just not meant to be. (my psychic powers also tells me it would have been good to have came in early or on time this morning as all the directors were present and went into a meeting- probably to talk about resources (more on this in another entry later) and possibly salary reviews)

around lunchtime, i made my way out to a meeting at the austin mercy hospital site office. not to make me sound like a snob, but i must say that the passengers on this line are a lot more colourful (in terms of character *not* appearance) compared to the line i catch from home. meeting went down faster than a hungry kid eating a happy meal and i'm making my way back to the office again. train seems particularly slow when it was meant to be a semi-express service. then it got to the victoria park station and announced that there were problems on the line/track with a possible 30mins delay!! wtf--?! not that i wanted to get back to the office and be heads down bums up in any hurry but i wasn't going to sit and wait for the train to start rocking into the city for 30mins! so ended up getting a bus back into the city and again packed in like a sardine. at least i had some pretty girls this time around packed next to me. but then i realise they were wearing school uniform of some kind and i suddenly felt a bit guilty for being satisfied in my predicament. it didn't last long though (both the bus trip and the guilty feeling).

...

i had the most vivid and weirdest dream last night. i think it was my very first naked dream (as in i was naked in the dream not i was asleep in the nud). you know what they say about dreams when you see yourself naked right? it means you have some sort of fear or insecurity dreading over your head. i wasn't naked for the entire dream though i don't think. i was in a line to get on some big cruise or ship (probably the titanic) and then this girl pulled me aside and said i was "special" or something similar. don't remember what she looked like in my dream now, but her name was "stockholm". anyway, i think she said i was too short (ha, see? insecurities) and had to ride separately. next thing i know i'm naked on a log (yes, you heard me a log) with this bearded guy in a captain uniform stearing the log in front of me (how do you stear a log? don't ask me) and the girl, who's also naked sitting behind me! the moment we hit the water at jet-ski speed, i woke up wondering what the hell i just dreamt about!!

my analysis? i want to conform with everyone else (the lining up part) but i'm afraid i don't fit in (the girl telling me i'm too short) and feel inadequate (the naked bit). the whole sitting on a log instead of being on the ship like everyone else is pretty obvious (i'm getting jibbed and i feel i stand out or i don't belong). the beard guy is probably some male role-model i'm missing in my life and the naked girl sitting behind me is probably some opportunity i missed out on that i just won't let go of. the fact that i woke up when we were on the water is probably because i needed to pee!! i'm a bit scared to guess the symbolism behind the log though...

all in all, there are some dreams that i just don't want to see come true and this is one of them. i mean think of the splinters i'd get on my butt?!

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000021 - incomplete

took the day off work today because i woke up feeling really really tired and my head was spinning that i didn't think i could drive. i have no idea what this will effect my workload for the rest of the week, but i'll just have to deal with it since i was in no condition to work this morning. i don't normally take sick days off, this would probably be my second one this year...

was watching tv and was somehow reminded it's been quite sometime since i've gone to see a movie. i don't think i've even hired a dvd or video recently. maybe it's just me, but i always feel kind of weird going to see a movie by myself. i usually only ever go to see a movie by myself if it's a really good movie i really wanted to watch or that i had free tickets. i remember i used to go to the cinemas so much so that i'd probably see a new movie almost once a week or maybe less. one of the main problem nowadays i guess, is that my friends and i have all grown up and are working. it's so hard to even organise a get together and catch up, going to see a movie wouldn't exactly allow us to talk much (unless you're one of those people who likes to talk during movies...) plus, most of my friends are in their happy couple-land, so half the time, they've already seen the movie with their significant other and it wouldn't be fair for me to ask them to go see it with me again no matter how great the movie was.

i guess given time, everyone of us will miss something we've been lacking one way or another. we might not fully appreciate what we had at that very moment but when it's gone, you kind of wish you had it again. just to experience that image, that taste, that smell or that feeling of it again if possible. if not, what we miss will soon dilute and fade away like all our memories...

are you missing someone or something? what will you do in order to make you feel complete just for a moment more once again?

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000020 - perfect?

in a perfect world, we would have the perfect life; the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect car and most important of all, the perfect love.

of course this is not a perfect world. nothing is perfect, we keep telling ourselves. but i don't think it's just because of our faults, our famine, our wars or our woes that makes us all imperfect in some way or another. i don't think it's modesty either. no, we can't be perfect because if we were, then we would have nothing else to strife for. nothing to dream or fantasise about; nothing to want or ask for more if we were all perfect. an utopian society is a boring society.

companionship is perhaps what i consider one of the most important factors in the meaning of life, or at least by my definition. the other day, i was thinking how funny the world works sometimes. how people meet and end up being together. how do you know if you've met that right person; your "soulmate" as some might call it. there are so many people in this world yet we get caught up in all our petty things that we would probably miss that person if s/he had walk past or sat next to us. i thought about how people could be connected; either through work, through common interests and hobbies, through the internet. sometimes seeing that person next to you everyday doesn't necessarily mean you can be with that person physical and emotionally. for all you know, s/he could be thinking about someone else.

sometimes i see couples argue and i used to think that it was sad that they would argue over little matters and not appreciate the simple company of each other. but then i've come to realise that maybe that's another way of communicating with each other; understanding each other's tolerances and opinions as arguing can have passion just as much as talking or kissing. think about it, would you like someone to argue with and share your true feelings even over the most little of things or have no one at all to bounce off your opinons?

i've heard how someone can love someone for simply their faults, bad habits and imperfections because that's what makes who they love so special and unique.

we are all so different; every single one of us from the colour of our skin, our hair to how we are raised and the values we are taught and learnt. it's pretty amazing that fate and destiny can bring different people with something common (or vice versa) and end up being together.

i had one of those fridays that seemed like a monday last week. i wanted to bury my head in the sand but that doesn't get anything done. what it really means is that i get a weekend and then i go back to another monday! ah well, them's the breaks as they say.

been neglecting the gang or my friends quite a bit lately, which isn't good. saying i'm busy isn't really a good excuse. not that some of them have called me recently either but that's not a good reason not to take the first step to call em either. debs did come over the other night to drop off my bag though, that was good, as i definitely want to see and catch up with her in person before she flew off to chicago (again). lucky her gets to travel and teach overseas for her company. but i guess the grass is always greener over the fence...

a real productive weekend. i pretty much made all my deadlines. uploaded the pinup for mark, although had a few troubles with a few servers, hopefully he got it in the end and it gets printed. sent david the self-portrait panel he asked for, hope he likes the final version and that it prints ok. and also toned 3 pages of knight-edge #3and sent them to darren. speaking of which, i better sign off so i can email that last page to him before getting some sleep.

i wonder what fate and destiny will bring for us this week?

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